Love Manual
by B Cardoso
Summary: Love usually has the same pattern, it’s like a manual. Four installments of how love works. Post 6X08 How it could have been. RoryJess
1. The Passion

Title: Love Manual

Author: Bru Gravem

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Characters based on Gilmore Girls and story loosely inspired at the synopsis of the movie "Manuale D'Amore" (Love Manual)

Summary: Love usually has the same pattern; it's like a manual. Four installments of how love works. Post 6X08 How it could have been. Rory/Jess

A/N: Reviews are highly appreciated.

* * *

**The Passion (Chap 01)**

She smiles shyly and bites her lip. Her hair fallen in a cascade over her face, making the blue of her eyes contrast with her dark hair. He smirks and pushes the autographed book on the table in her direction.

"Thanks. I know you must do it all the time and I'm sure it gets boring after a while but it really means a lot to me."

He shakes his head lightly and waves a hand in the air, "It's no problem. I'm kind of proud of having you asking for my autograph, actually."

Her eyes become a bit wider and she defends herself quickly, "Oh, I'm sure it's gonna be worth a lot soon. In a few years when your book gets the attention it deserves and becomes a success, my first edition copy with your autograph will become priceless."

He laughs and leans in, "I'm really glad you came. I just wanted to tell you this now, in case I didn't get the chance later tonight. Just so you know."

"I'm really glad I came too. Thanks for sending the invitation by the way. After the last time we saw each other I wasn't so sure you'd want to see me ever again."

"Nonsense. So, about that, have you figured it all out?" he asks hesitantly, knowing he just might have ruined his own night.

"Yeah," she trembles a little. Then repeats in a more confident voice, "Yes, I have."

"Really?" he asks slightly surprised and by her expression he can tell she is a bit offended.

"Yes," she says firmly and he tries his best not to smirk at her fuming form in front of him. "I went back to Yale, and now I'm the editor which led to Paris kicking me out. I've talked to mom and we're fine now. Everything was fixed."

"What about that boyfriend of yours?" he asks looking at a shelf by his left, avoiding her eyes.

"That was fixed too," she tells him in a shaky voice, ashamed of having dated him in the first place. "We're not together anymore."

He can't help the smile that appears on his face and Rory just glares at him. "So, you said something about Paris kicking you out, huh? Where are you living now?"

She shrugs. "I'm crashing at a friend's place but I'll have to move out soon. I've been looking for apartments, but it's kinda hard to pay the rent all by myself…"

"You know, me and the guys have been talking about opening a filial somewhere near the big fancy colleges with smart rich people who read. New Heaven is one of the possibilities on the list…"

"Really?" she asks, a smile growing on her lips, her voice in a teasing tone.

* * *

"Jess! Bring my books up, please!" She yells from the corridor, carrying a box to their apartment.

"You want me to bring _all_ your books upstairs?" he asks with the most unbelieving voice.

"Well, someone has to carry them!" she whines and hears him sighing.

"They are _your_ books, you know?" he points out, still yelling from downstairs.

"And you're my beautiful amazing muscular and macho boyfriend who can carry all my book with no effort."

He snorts, "Now you are using the word macho, but I don't remember you using it when Lorelai suggested to paint our room pink."

She tries to suppress her giggles before defending herself. "Well pink _is_ a macho color."

He sights loudly in defeat just for her benefit but has a hidden smile behind the annoyed voice, "Where is the box with your books?"

* * *

He hears her unlock the door and turns around on the couch where he has been watching TV to watch her come in. She throws her keys on the coffee table and jumps on him.

"Ouch!" he says out of breath, but soon is silenced by her demanding lips.

"Tough day?"

"Tell me about it. It's amazing how many texts I have to edit and how many times I have to do it. Sometimes I end up just re-writing the whole thing! Sometimes I think it'd be easier to just write the whole damn paper by myself!"

He laughs and rubs her sides while she positions herself, straddling him. "I missed you today," she tells him.

He kisses the corner of her mouth and answers against her skin, "I missed you too." He deepens the kiss and she thrust herself against him. His lips start to travel to her jaw and down her neck.

"Jess, I'm hungry," she whines and tries to release herself from him but he only grabs her hips making her stay in place and descends his lips to her chest. "Oh, I'm starving too, baby," he tells her with a smirk and a voice that drips with double meaning.

She laughs lightheartedly and search for his lips, kissing him hard, making him loose control. Next thing he knows she has jumped from his grasp and is giggling and running to their room. He sights with the biggest goofy smile on his face and throws his head back before standing up and going after her.

* * *

It's a Saturday afternoon and the sky is gray outside. It had been raining. Her head is laying on his lap, reading some copy by E. E. Cumming while he is reading his copy of Yeats. Her pajama consists of one of his sweatshirts and socks, he prefers a pair of old sweat pants and a white wife beater.

She sights and bites her lower lip, looking at the words on the book, but not really reading them. She looks at each word but can't connect their meanings. After much effort she finally gets to the last word. Four letters. She just can't find its meaning.

Her eyes wander the poem again and again and another time. At the end she is always faced with the same word. But this time she finds something to connect to it, a meaning. The thing is, she is surprised to what she connects this word.

She has been thinking a lot about it later. The word. After nights without sleep she concludes she has never really meant it, with anyone. And she is not sure if she should use it now. Sometimes she doubts if it is true this time, if she really means it. Other times it's like one of the only certain things in her life.

She glances at him with the corner of her eye and looks back at her book. She is afraid. She is afraid of his reaction. She is afraid of him not saying it back. She bites her lip and sighs again.

She turns her head to the right and looks out of the window again. The gray sky is turning into the darkest shade of blue and she knows the afternoon has turned into evening. Just like her relationship with Jess has turned into something new. Something different. Something else.

"Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I love you."

She feels like her heart has stopped beating and the air is not full filling her lungs anymore, but she hides it and pretends to concentrate on her book. Three minutes pass and the silence is driving her crazy. Five minutes pass and she thinks he won't say anything. Ten minutes pass and she gives up; he's not ready to say it back.

When he finishes his book much later he closes it and leans down, placing a soft kiss on her lips, "I think I love you too."

She smiles, she knows they don't 'think', they both know.


	2. The Crisis

Title: Love Manual

Author: Bru Gravem

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Characters based on Gilmore Girls and story loosely inspired at the synopsis of the movie "Manuale D'Amore" (Love Manual)

Summary: Love usually has the same pattern; it's like a manual. Four installments of how love works. Post 6X08 How it could have been. Rory/Jess

A/N: Reviews are highly appreciated.

* * *

**The Crisis (Chap 02)**

She hears the alarm clock beeping and turns it off before turning in bed. She stretches and turns from side to side even thought the sheets are cold. A few minutes later, she opens her eyes and get up. There is a long day ahead of her. She goes to the kitchen and turns on the coffee maker before heading to the shower. It has become a routine. Not one that she likes, but one that she has gotten used to. She drinks her coffee and reads the New York Times at her laptop.

She adjusts her hair on the mirror and checks her outfit. Perfect. White shirt with a back skirt and a pair of high heels that make her figure slender but are comfortable enough to walk on the whole day. She takes her purse and some files before heading to the door. Just after she has opened it she remembers to go back and press play on the answer machine. Instantly his voice comes to life.

"Hey, I'm sorry I couldn't answer your call earlier," he sighs. "How are you? I'm fine. Work is fine. I mean, it's not fine, it's driving me crazy, but that's normal so… Uhm, I just wanted to check in. I guess you're not home. Call me when you have a chance. I love-" _beep_ "Your message has been deleted."

* * *

He opens the door and enters his home, pushing his bag with an exhausted face. He leaves the bag by the entryway and closes the door with his foot before throwing himself on the couch and groaning. His week has been way too long and he longs for a hot bath and his soft bed to comfort him and let him forget about his life for a few hours. He is already on his way to the bedroom when he sees a note with Rory's handwrite on the table.

_Mom and Luke are coming over tomorrow to have dinner with us. Just wanted to let you know in case we don't talk with each other before tomorrow night. Welcome back._

_Rory_

He fumes and groans. How could she do this? She knows how much he hates to have _that_ kind of dinner, the one with their families, much less with such a short notice. He stumbles to the bed knowing he would have to wait for her to get home, so he could confront her. Their phone fights were always the worst and he would rather confront her personally any day than have her not speaking to him for weeks, when in his opinion he was the right one all along.

A few hours later Rory gets home to find Jess on the couch, flipping through the channels, trying to kill time.

"Hey, you're home."

"Yeah, got here a few hours ago."

She smiles and nods. "Did you see the note I left you?"

"Yup," he says, finally turning to look at her. "So, about dinner tomorrow. Why in hell did you think you could just schedule it?" he starts, his voice rising already.

"Well, I would have checked with you first. But of course, I couldn't get in touch with you since your cell is _always off_!"

"Oh, don't start with the whole 'I can never talk to you' talk _again_."

"Okay, I won't. But then stop whining about dinner tomorrow!"

"But why the fuck do we have to have dinner with your family tomorrow?"

She gives him a bitter smile that is followed by an even bitter laugh, "Oh, please, that's just too good."

"What the fuck is just _too good_?" he asks almost screaming, frustrated and annoyed by her.

"Don't tell me you forgot what day is tomorrow!"

He suddenly stops in quiet contemplation. After a minute he gives in and answers, "It's the 14th, so what?"

She laughs bitterly again, "Think Jess. What happened on July 14th two years ago…?"

He stops for a minute and then groans. And sighs. "I'm sorry," he says, regret obvious in his voice.

"It's okay, it's not like it's important or anything."

He makes a move towards her and she starts walking to kitchen. He follows her, trying to come up with something to make the situation better.

"I'm sorry, okay. It's just, this week has been hell and I just didn't notice how fast time was going by… It's not that I forgot, really. How could I forget it?"

She turns around and he is just a foot away from her. Her eyebrows narrow at him, her face set in an angry expression when she asks him, "Yeah, how could you forget it, Jess? How could you forget the day we moved in together? How could you forget the day you said it was like our marriage, that you went down on one knee and put a ring on my finger? How could you forget it, huh?"

"I didn't. Really, I didn't," he tries to defend himself, but the look on her face tells him apologies won't be nearly enough. He puts a hand to his forehead in though and then looks back at her. "Let me make it up to you. Tomorrow night, dinner at your favorite restaurant, just the two of us."

She looks to her right, just not to look at him, really. "Okay, I guess that's okay."

He smiles and takes a step forwards, kissing her softly before turning around to go back to the couch.

"But you are calling mom to tell her the change in plans," she smiles, finally feeling satisfied.

He winces; she is getting too much pleasure out of his pain.

* * *

She taps her fingers on the wood table. He glares. She stops. The waiter comes, asks their orders quickly and leaves, as not to disturb the couple. But the couple would rather have him there, just so the silence wouldn't be so uncomfortable.

"So, how was your trip to New York?" she tries to make small talk.

"It was fine. I think this guy might stand a chance in the big city. He is good, just naïve. I think in a few years he will be ready for getting big."

"That's good. If he gets big your publishing house gets big and you get big."

"Yup, that's the idea. The problem is the 'if' in front of all of those."

She nods pursing her lips and watches the people walking outside. He looks back at her.

"What about your work? How is it going?" He asks, desperately trying to get any conversation going.

She sighs, "Fine. There are a few new interns that can't get anything right, but that's how it works. I'm still working late most days and re-writing the whole thing at times cause apparently writing an articles is so damn difficult, and if you ask me I still feel underpaid. But there are no news in that, so…"

"Yeah," he nods absently.

The food comes and both start eating avoiding the other's eyes. They look around the restaurant, looking for a magical solution for their relationship, or at least this night's conversation, as if suddenly they would find the answer for the problems they've just realized they had. No such luck. Dinner goes on with only another few words spoken, such as "Could you pass the salt?" and " It really tastes delicious". An hour and a half later both leave the restaurant; no hand holding, no secretive smiles or even a glint in their eyes like they used to share just a couple of years ago. The ride home was as long as eternity and as silent as dying love.

* * *

They are laying on the couch, her head on his lap, watching some old drama movie. She thinks about her list of things to do and the article she has to write while he worries about editing the latest work of his new protégé.

She fingers the ring on her left hand slowly and suddenly the words flow from her mouth before she can stop then.

"Say 'I love you.'"

Even she is a little surprised with her own request, but she doesn't let it show. Instead she watches him carefully and curiously, truly wondering how this will turn out.

"I love you," he says clearly, coolly. A statement.

"Again," she asks.

"I love you," he says in the same cool voice.

"Again?" she pleads in a small voice with the last leap of faith, of hope.

He sighs tiredly. "I love you." He looks at her eyes and they are empty, just reflecting what she sees in his.

She casts her eyes down sadly and then looks up at him. "I don't believe you."

He looks away and after a moment back down at her. He runs a hand through her hair and sighs before answering, "Well, I don't see you even attempting to lie."


	3. The Betrayal

Title: Love Manual

Author: Bru Gravem

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Characters based on Gilmore Girls and story loosely inspired at the synopsis of the movie "Manuale D'Amore" (Love Manual)

Summary: Love usually has the same pattern; it's like a manual. Four installments of how love works. Post 6X08 How it could have been. Rory/Jess

A/N: Reviews are highly appreciated.

* * *

**The Betrayal (Chap 03)**

He is traveling yet again. Business. He has been traveling a lot on business lately. She calls him every few days; tries to show how good of a wife she really is even when they never really got married. But after living with the same person for three years what else would you call it? The usual response she gets is his answering machine, his cell phone always off. She doesn't understand it. His work is mainly to promote new authors, talented or not, and she thinks he should spend most of his on the phone, trying to convince every bookstore to give a chance to the latest novel his publishing house is promoting. Still more often than not she gets the same response, his cell phone turned off.

He calls every few days, after listening to her last message on his cell. The conversation is always the same; greetings, complaints, goodbyes. She usually complains of her boss Mark and tells him how his fellow co-workers are driving her crazy, telling him about the ridiculous articles Josh writes, how annoyed she gets by Mary Anne also known as gossip queen and how tired she is of teaching the same thing over and over again to Nick, the intern she is responsible for. He usually say "huh" and every now and then an "yeah". His complains usually involve the poor work of the writers he has to promote, the annoying people at the bookstores he visits and how he needs to go on vacation soon or he will go crazy. In response she usually agrees to everything he says or wait for him to finish before saying, "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry to cut it short, but I have to go". They have stopped keeping track of each other lives a long while ago, now they just pretend they still care.

This time she thinks he left on Tuesday, three days ago, but she is not too sure. It's not like it really matters, he will probably be back around the weekend. She calls him but his cell phone is off. Shocker. She flips it close and puts it on her table, turning around to go back to her article when she hears it start ringing. Without checking the ID or stop typing she answers it, "Hello?"

"Oh, daughter of mine! Evil offspring who has abandoned me!"

Rory stops typing and smiles, "Hey, mom!"

"'Hey mom'? That's all I get, a 'Hey mom'? Do you know how many hours of labor I went through?"

Rory laughs, "Yeah, it's not like you let me forget the 15 hours of pain and horror you went through because of little old me."

"Good, you should never forget that!"

"So, not that I don't enjoy this conversation, but you usually have a reason to calling me…"

"Oh, yeah, right, sorry. So, Lukey and me decided we should take a few days off of work and

go somewhere nice to have stress-free week. Now, I'm not sure how but by some miracle I got to convince him to come to New York-"

"Okay, I'm sure you have a point, now if you could just stop beating around the bush."

"Right, so a couple of hours ago I saw your hubby walking down the streets of New York and getting in a restaurant, and I would have called or went after him but the streets were pretty busy and noisy and I had just convinced Lukey to get in a Victoria Secret's with me so I could buy some lingerie-"

"Too much information."

"Anyway, Luke tried his cell but it's off. And I know I said we want a stress-free week, but I thought it might be nice to have lunch with him or something. After all he is your husband… So, I was thinking if you could talk to him and tell him to call us."

"Sure, it sounds good. I'll tell him."

"Okay, that was it. Now I'll let you get back to your work before you hang up on me."

Rory smirked, "You know me too well."

Lorelai mock gasped, "Oh. Bye, oh daughter of mine."

"Bye, mom."

A few hours later Rory goes home to an empty apartment. She gets a carton of the Chinese food out of the fridge and puts it on the microwave just when the phone starts ringing.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Ror."

"Hey, Jess. How was your day? Fine, it was fine."

"Good. Worked much?"

"Well, yeah. I've ended up working on this guy's work. He is not bad, but I don't think he has ever hear of the word 'edit'."

Rory laughs lightly, "Yeah, I know what you mean. I just didn't know you worked on editing stuff while in New York. I thought you just went there to promote books."

He clears his throat, "I'm not in New York."

She stops, "Really?"

"Yeah, I'm in Philadelphia. What made you think I was in New York?"

"Nothing, I just assumed. So, you've been in Philly today? You've been there since Tuesday?"

"Yup."

She shakes her head lightly but says, "Okay." The microwave beeps in the kitchen bringing her back to reality, "I have to go, my food is ready."

"Okay, night Ror."

"Bye, Jess."

* * *

They always to do this, try to do a couple thing. Try to prove that they really are a couple. They do it more to convince themselves than anyone else. This time it was his idea. He had always loved to cook, opposed to Rory who couldn't even boil water. So last night he had suggested her they bought some book like "cooking for dummies" and he would help her do something simple like pasta tonight. She was unsure at the begging but ended up agreeing, after all it sounded like fun.

So, now she is leaning on the counter on an extremely messy kitchen with red sauce on her cheek and nose, watching Jess start the whole thing again.

"Man, it looks like there was a war going on here!" Jess laughs lightly, leaning on the sink in front of her.

"Well, you just have yourself to blame. You were the one who came with the idea of teaching me how to cook."

"Yeah, you are right, what was I thinking? It's easier to convince Smalltown USA that I'm not a hoodlum who has stole their princess than teaching you how to cook," he jokes.

"Hey!" she says in mock offense, but actually having more fun than she thought possible. She smiles a little and looks at him and he mirrors her smile while they keep staring at each other.

The water starts to boil again and they both stand up straight. Jess is about to go to the stove when she stops him, "No, I'm doing it. I just have to see if the water is okay to put the pasta in, right?"

"Yeah," he nods.

"Okay," she also nods, as if going on a mission. She goes to the stove and looks at water as if it would talk to her and answer that indeed it is boiling. She nods to the water. "Can you pass me the pasta, Josh?" she asks.

She doesn't even notice her slip of tongue, but after a minute when Jess still hasn't responded to her request she turns around to find the darkest eyes she has ever seen. She narrows her eyebrows, still confused.

He laughs bitterly, "My name is Jess, Rory. Not Josh." He shakes his head. "I'm not hungry anymore," he says before going to their room and slamming the door.

* * *

She is working on the coffee table, laptop open and a bunch of papers and bills around. Her sighs get more and more constant the longer she works on the bills. Suddenly one bill gets her attention more than the others. A hotel in New York. For two. She tries to remember the date and checks it on the calendar. Jess had been in New York that week, trying to promote his new protégé, even if the guy had no talent for writing. She laughs lighthearted at her suspicions, and leans back in her position to the floor relaxing against the lower part of the couch when it strikes her. The reservation was for two. She remembers Jess whining about how annoying and childish the author had been, telling her (even though he thought she wasn't listening) that he wouldn't take him to this trip or any other trips for that matter. She remembered now how he had been adamant about it, saying that if he had to promote such a ridiculous book, at least he would it his way. He would spend a couple of days in New York going to some publishing houses and book stores by himself, doing his job as fast as he could to enjoy the city as well.

She sights and looks again at the bill and the first thing that comes to her mind is that she shouldn't be paying half of the bill for the room her husband used to cheat on her. But it is pointless; after all they had agreed to share all the bills. Just about five minutes into her internal conflict she finally realizes how stupid it all sounds; her questioning a bill when she should be questioning how faithful her husband has been to her. But she doesn't have enough courage to question that, because then she would question herself. Instead she takes the bill and puts a post-it on it with the short note saying, _"Ask your publishing house to pay for that"._ She has always been more careful about those kinds of bills; so she thinks that is the least he can do, be careful too.

* * *

It is late at nights but she can't stop her thoughts, and they wonder about things she can't know. They wonder about things she will only know if she puts a detective after him or if she asks him; the first solution sounds too obsessed in her opinion and the second sounds too wrong. Still, she finds herself debating if it isn't worth it, just to have some peace of mind.

She puts down her book and looks up at him from her spot among innumerous pillows on the floor. "Can we talk?"

He stops working on some papers and looks at her. "Yeah, what about?"

She looks down, "There are some things I've been meaning to ask you…" she looks back up at him and her eyes show how hurt she is, "Have you been cheating on me?"

He looks taken aback by her question and is silent for a moment. "Are you really asking me that?"

She nods, "Yeah."

He sighs and looks away, "You know the answer to that."

"I just need to hear you say it."

He looks back at her, but this time he seems somewhere between angry and hurt, "Don't do this Rory," he asks.

"Please Jess, just tell me. Just say it."

He sighs again and it sounds painful for him to even be breathing. "Yes."

Her tears start to fall and although she tries to stop them they seem have a mind of their own. She nods, "How long?"

"A few months."

"More than an year?"

He takes a deep breath, "No, not that long."

She pauses, "Is it just one girl or there are more. I mean, is it a random thing, you just fuck any girl that looks your way or are you in love with someone else…"

"I've only been in love with you, Rory. But since we are being so honest, I have some question of my own."

She laughs bitterly and looks at him, "Really?"

His eyes are dark and full of hurt and she can swear she can see a few tears, but then again they just might be hers. "Really," he pauses. "I've always wondered if you brought Josh to our home, our room, our bed…"

She gasps and looks away quickly.

"Is that a yes?" he laughs bitterly.

She shakes her head, "No."

He lets a breath out, a painful sigh that he had been holding for months that felt like centuries.

"You are safe with this girls, right?" she asks a little concerned.

"Do you think I'd ever put your life in risk like that?"

"I never thought we'd be in a situation like that. I never thought you'd cheat on me."

"I could say the same," he pauses. "Is it just Josh or are there others?"

She shakes her head, "It's just him. I didn't mean for it to happen. It's not like I planned it or fell in love with him… It's just one day mom sees you in New York when you swear you are in Philly… and I had one too many drinks at the pub and said way too much and next thing I know we are in a motel-"

"I don't fucking want to hear that," he screams. "I don't fucking want to hear how this asshole fucked my wife!" And now she can see all the anger and hurt and tears and all the emotions she knows way to well.

"If you had said that, exactly those words before it all happened… you wouldn't have to hear them now. If you hadn't cheated on me I wouldn't have done what I did. But I guess it doesn't matter anymore. None of these matter anymore."


	4. The Separation

Title: Love Manual

Author: Bru Gravem

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Characters based on Gilmore Girls and story loosely inspired at the synopsis of the movie "Manuale D'Amore" (Love Manual)

Summary: Love usually has the same pattern; it's like a manual. Four installments of how love works. Post 6X08 How it could have been. Rory/Jess

A/N: Reviews are highly appreciated. This chap is to **LitGG1982** and **iluvmylowandbaseball**.

* * *

**The Separation (Chap 04)**

"Where is the remote control?" Rory screams from the living room.

"What?" Jess shouts from the bedroom.

"The remote control! From the TV! Where is it?"

"How the hell would I know?"

"Because you are the one that watches TV in the middle of the night and forgets to put the remote back on the coffee table!"

"Come on! It's ridiculous to actually have a place to put a remote control!"

"It is not! And if you could just do that simple task we wouldn't be having this shouting competition!"

"Well, I don't know where it is! Try to look for it under the couch."

"And why would it be under the couch?" she asks annoyed, while looking under the couch.

"Probably for the same reason it would on the coffee table. No rational reason."

"It's not there!" she shouts. He remains silent for a couple of minutes before shouting back. "I think it might be under my pillow."

She walks to their room where she finds him shaving, "Under your pillow? Under _your_ pillow? Now, Jess, why would it be under _your_ pillow?" she asks somewhere between aggressive and frustrated.

"Why don't you stop bitching out for five minutes and go check under the pillow, huh?"

She doesn't answer, just sighs frustrated and goes to check under the pillow, where she finds what she has been looking for. She takes the remote control and turns around to look at Jess. She shakes her head sadly and sighs yet again before speaking, "I can't do this anymore."

He looks at her confused and narrows his eyebrows, "Do what?" he asks, still shaving.

"This. Us. I want to break up."

He stops and puts the razor on the sink, turning to her, "What are you saying?"

"It's over. I'll start looking for a place for myself; I think you should do the same. You can have everything you want, I just want to keep my books…"

"But, Rory-"

"Jess, I still have feelings for you. Even after all we've been through, I still have feelings for you. But if we keep doing this, making ourselves hate each other, even these feelings will die soon. I can't let it happen."

"I don't want us to break up."

"I'm sorry, but it's not up for you to decide. I'll start packing tomorrow."

* * *

"Where are you staying?" 

"I rent an apartment for now. Nothing fancy or anything, just a place to sleep while I try to find something better and still cheap."

"We don't have to do it right now, you know? We could just do it next month or something, when things are more settle down and we have a place to live."

She looks down and her voice gets weaker, "Jess, you know that if we don't do it know we will just think it over and end up agreeing that it's best to be together even if it makes us miserable."

He sighs, "I guess you are right." He pauses, "I just- I don't know how to live without you."

She looks up at him, "That's something we'll both have to learn."

"I don't want you to think it was all a lie. It wasn't."

"I know it wasn't. I really believed we could do it, make it work."

"I really loved you."

"Never doubted that."

"I still do."

"Don't make things hard, Jess."

"I'm not trying to. I just have to tell you the truth. I'm sorry about the lies and the cheating and how we hurt each other. But really, I didn't stop loving you. Never."

She looks down and then into his eyes. She knows he is telling the truth and nods, "It's not enough anymore. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, just wanted to make things clear, I guess everyone has to come clean at the end."

"I guess so."

"Do you need help with anything?" he offers.

"No, you can go. I'll move out tomorrow. Mom and Luke are coming over to help me."

He nods, "Okay, I think that's it then." He gets his key ring from his back pocket and hands it to her. "One last kiss?" he asks, still holding her hand.

She smiles sadly, "Why not?"

They kiss softly, soundlessly, like every last kiss should be. An implosion of everything that once was.

"Goodbye, Rory."

He is half away through the door when he hears her call his name and turns around.

"I still love you. I've never stopped. Just wanted you to know."

He smiles, "Thanks, it makes a difference."

* * *

She is finally unpacking the last of her boxes. After about two months trying to find a decent place and moving into it, it took her almost another month to unpack all of her stuff. She had put as the priority in her to-do list for the weekend to unpack all her remaining boxes. So that's what she is doing in this Saturday evening. Unpacking a box of books she hasn't read in over a year to put on shelves and let they stay there for most probably several months without being touched. Unpacking her winter clothes, which she won't be using for the next six months. In the middle of her organized chaos she finds something she is certain shouldn't be there. First she thinks it's just her mind is playing a trick on her, but eventually she gives in and reaches for the item of clothing. There it is, the oldest of all band T-shirts' Jess possessed. His beloved Metallica T-shirt. She takes it in her hands and hugs it, taking in his smell. God, she already misses his smell, she misses it so much. It is amazing how things that weren't important at all, things she didn't even notice were now such beloved memories that she tried to hold on to. She closes her eyes letting a few tears, which until now she hadn't let, fall from her face. Hugging the T-shirt close to her and sighing into it, she smiles. She takes her clothes off, slipping _his_ T-shirt on and turns the light off, crawling into bed. Everything else can wait until tomorrow; right now she just needs to somehow be close to him.

* * *

She pays for the book and skips the pages, walking towards the crowded table. She waits in line, tapping her foot on the floor impatiently but actually lost in the words in front of her. When there are just two people in front of her she opens it on the dedicatory page and waits her time. Five minutes later she is face to face with him. 

"Oh, I didn't expect you to see you here," he says surprised.

"I wouldn't miss it. When I heard you made it into the New York best seller list I just had to come see you."

He raised an eyebrow and she adds.

"Well," she says taking from her purse a copy from his first book, the one he had autographed all those years ago, "a long time ago I've told you one day your books would get the attention they deserved, and as always I was right. I'm sure my first edition copy with your autograph is already pretty valuable," she smiles.

"Are you thinking of selling it?" he raises an eyebrow.

"Nope, it's still more valuable to me than it could be to anyone else."

He shivers and his heart feels lighter with her words.

"Hey, lady, has he autographed your book? Cuz I'm still in line," a guy behind her interrupts.

"Oh sorry-" she starts and tries to move aside, but Jess cuts her off.

"Hey, my hour here is almost over, I just have to give this last autograph. Can we talk then? Five minutes. I promise I won't take much of your time."

She nods, "It's fine."

He gives the last autograph and stands up, moving away from the hard wood table as fast as possible so no one will try to ask a 'last autograph'. But when he reaches her, before he can say a word she hands him the open copy of his latest book and he smiles, glad to comply - just for her. She takes the book back and puts it into her purse, but doesn't say anything.

"So, have you read it?" he asks.

She shakes her head, "Just started. Work has driven me crazy… just a few days ago I got to know your book was already out."

He nods.

"But I found the dedicatory interesting," she says trying to make her voice sound controlled. He smirks and looks down, almost embarrassed. He is not ashamed, otherwise he wouldn't have written it. And after all, he ponders, the words are true. The only thing is, right now she is standing in front of him, telling him she has read the dedicatory. And _that_ makes him feel exposed, caught.

"Interesting? Quite a vague adjective, huh?"

She shakes her head unsure and elaborates, "It sounded harsh. And I'm not sure how true it is. But I definitely didn't expect to have you say that, much less as a dedicatory in your most famous book," she pauses. "You knew how talented you are. You knew this time you would go big. And still, you wrote it right there, so everyone could see," she says in a small voice, trying to understand it.

"When you said it was over I felt like I had failed you. And I know I screwed up big time with you, but I loved you so fucking much. I just had to let you know that I was so sorry; that I wish I had been better, had been enough."

"So it was an apology," she questions, not really liking it.

He shakes his head, "No." He puts a hand to his head trying to make it stop aching. "I just… I meant it. Those words were true. And also, I'm sorry for everything wrong I have done to you."

She nods quietly and opens the book to read from it, "'To the woman who made me become a man. Even if it wasn't enough.'" She pauses. He shifts in his shoes not looking up. When she continues, her voice startles him and he looks up locking eyes with her. "It was enough. We both just screwed it up. We had it all, but somewhere along the line we started making big mistakes that we didn't try to overcome, so we overlooked them. We let ourselves hurt each other way too much."

"I know and I'm sorry! Gosh, if I could go back and do it over I wouldn't have let us get to that point. I would have found a way and fix it. I wouldn't have let you go."

"I'm sorry too, you know? You weren't the only one that fucked up our relationship. I just- I couldn't handle it. Instead of trying to fix it, I just ignored it as if it wasn't important or it didn't hurt."

He laughs, "Sometimes you would drive me crazy, you know?"

She rolls her eyes, "Sometimes I would feel like killing you," she pauses. "But we had our good moments; it was worth it."

He nods, "Yeah, it definitely was," he stops and looks her in the eye. "Are you busy?"

"Now?"

"Yeah."

She tilts her head to side and smiles, "No."

"Would you like some coffee?"

"That's low; you know I can't say no to that."

He smirks.

"You're not a big fan of coffee. What do you want?"

"Just to talk, for old times' sake. Talk about life... maybe the future…?" he says slower and watches her, trying to find any reaction. She has none, or at least pretends to have none. He sighs, "Maybe just enjoy some coffee?"

She looks at him with her big blue eyes, "Just coffee?" she questions again.

"It's up to you," he says, honestly.

"Okay," she states and goes to the door of the bookstore, heading out. He follows a little unsure.

"You still remember how I like my coffee?" she asks.

He sighs relieved; maybe they can go back to talking occasionally and being friends. He puts an arm around her waist and says a small, "Yeah."

"And how I like my breakfast?" she asks, a bit unsure.

He smiles goofy and holds her close, kissing her hair, "Oh yeah!"

_The End_

* * *

**A/N:** Just one last note because I think I deserve it. The scene about the remote control is based in a true story. That's how my cousin ended up with her boyfriend, because he was always desorganizing her CDs and living with him was driving her crazy and one she couldn't find the remote control so she started screaming and kicked him out. It is quite funny even if it's pretty weird; I just wanted to show how this kind of stuff really can happen. 

And I also wanted to say that I intended to make they really part ways in the last chap, but somehow I ended up qriting this 'maybe' ending. Maybe it was inspiration; maybe it was some reviews asking a happy ending, I dunno. And I'd also like to say thanks for the reviews; they really make my day. : )


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